No pants! Also I promise this is not a photo recycled from St Paddy’s day, I was inspired by all the clover growing nice and green in my yard right...
Lizzie
Crooked Lizzie is an independent plus size MILF model, bisexual kinkster, sassypants, cosplayer, OF content creator (except fuck OF, I’m on fanvue), clumsy nerd, bookworm, poly hotwife… learn more
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My Crooked Story
Flirty: 65%, Sweet: 20%, Dangerous: 15%
Cool: 15%, Nerdy: 85%
Born in the summer of 1980. I’ll let you do the math, smartypants. Yes, I’m too old to dress like this, a teen in Walgreens told me so.
5’5″ 160 lbs (Erm…don’t tell anyone, unless you’re a BBW modeling agency)
44GG bust (bra and bikini shopping is brutal for me, can I just go without?)
Natural hair color is light brown, I’ve been rocking platinum blonde recently and have done red and black in the past.
0 complaints. (okay maybe one but he was weird).
100% likely to ruin your focus.
DM open rate: depends how charming you are š
Chances I tease you: extremely high.
Spiritual, not religious.Ā
Sexuality Heteroflexible / Heteroromantic Bisexual.
100% Woman, She, Her, Mrs.
Total Domme. Call me Mrs. Lizzie when it’s just us, Mrs. Boyd in presence of my primary.
Iām flirty, and here for hot men, cute girls, and the occasional morally questionable decisionĀ 
Ā (nothing thatās gonna get us in the slammer, justā¦Ā interesting). Poly open marriage.
By day, Iām a data scientist who spends way too many hours in offices and anonymous hotel rooms that all smell vaguely like carpet cleaner and regret.
By nightā¦ well, modeling is cheaper than therapy and more fun than cable TV.
I also volunteer with a few organizations for the vulnerable and for nature
Proudly nerdy 
Ā gamer girlĀ 
bookworm 
who will absolutely stay up too late for āone more levelā or āone more chapterā and then complain about it the next day.Ā
Comic Cons, Ren Fests, Wine Tastings, Breweries, Ballgames, Concerts, Strip clubs, you’ll see me at all those places.
Dog or cat? I love all the pets… I have a german shepherd, 2 cats, several freshwater tropical fish.Ā
Favorite color is pink, duh.
Favorite foods, Poke bowls, Sushi, Pasta, Steak, Neopolitan Pizza, Chocolate.
Favorite drinks. Boba Tea. Margaritas, Bloody Marys.
Favorite movie. Eurotrip.
Favorite tv show. Greys Anatomy.
Favorite podcast. Serial.
Favorite music. Lots of genres but fav bands are Stonesour and David Bowie.
Favorite sports. NFL (Bears), Hockey (Winnipeg Jets), NASCAR (#9), MLB (Twins)
Favorite video games. Skyrim, Horizon Zero Dawn, Final Fantasy, Last of Us, The Sims.
Dream car. 1950s Corvette.
Crushes. Corey Taylor, Margot Robbie, Chris Hemsworth, Sydney Sweeney, Rob Lowe.
Lookalikes. I’ve been told Melissa Joan Hart when I’m blonde, Meg Ryan when I’m blonde and curly, and Natasha Nice when I’m brunette and have my tits out.Ā All quite flattering.
Turn ons. In men, Big arms husky or muscly. Beards. Silliness. Passion for something. Listening skills. Humility. Tongue and Penis usage. Nunchuck skills. In women & trans, Nice smiles. Sexy legs. Confidence. Flirting.Ā
Hit Me Up, Guys & Gals
Don't be shy, I don't bite, unless you're made of salted caramel or dark chocolate.
